


Attention Please

by LonelyAquarian



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Extrovert Liam, Introvert Zayn, Liam is jealous, M/M, Planning Louis Wake, Zayn Sings, Zayn Usptages Liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 16:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14313090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAquarian/pseuds/LonelyAquarian
Summary: Zayn Replaces Liam As The Center Of Attention As Louis Plans His "Wake".





	1. Dragging Zayn Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam Drags Zayn Out Of The House.

It is another Friday night at the house and Zayn is cozying himself up on the couch.

"Zayn, what are you doing?" Liam asks coming from his bedroom to see Zayn sitting on their couch.

"As you can see, I'm on the couch, enjoying a big bowl of popcorn while watching _Scandal_." Zayn responds. “I can’t believe that you asked me a stupid question like that when you have 20/20 eyesight.”

"I-"

"Oh look! Olivia Pope grabbed the chair and literally beat the living daylights out of Vice President Andrew Nichols." He laughs. “That motherfucker deserved it for staging her kidnapping!”

Liam is disgusted.

"I cannot watch you sit around, wasting away into nothing for another weekend. You need to get a life" He says, turning off the TV. "You're coming with me to the bar." Liam tells him as he sits next to Zayn.

"Liam, you know how much I hate going into places like that. They make me feel so uncomfortable." Zayn sighs. “Did you forget what happened the last time we went to that lame party?”

"Now, now, Zayn, they're just as uncomfortable with you, so don't blame yourself." He tells Zayn, patting his shoulder.

"Thanks for the pep talk." Zayn answers, faking a smile. “You really _are_ the best.”

"I think that it all stems from your low self-esteem. It's not your fault that you're all... lonely and shit."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Leeyum?" A confused and irritated Zayn asks.

"Zayn, if you felt better about yourself you'd want to get out and do more. You're a beautiful man and I just don't want to see you all bummed out due to your love life. You know what I do when I'm feeling low?"

"What? Use your purple dildo?"

"I have a little exercise I do whenever my self-esteem's kind of low. I say my name and then I list three positive things about myself. I'm Liam James Payn. I'm hardworking, women find me so damn desirable, and I'm good looking."

"Really?" Zayn asks sarcastically.

"Go on now, you try. You won't regret it." He tells Zayn who sighs heavily.

"I'm Zayn Malik. I'm beautiful, men and women find me desirable, and people want to be my friend."

"Oops. I'm sorry I confused you. You're supposed to say three positive things that apply to you, not Blanche Devereaux." He tells Zayn, teasing him about his favorite show  _The Golden Girls_. "You know, like you could say, "I'm Zayn Javvad Malik. I'm very cool, saucy and...well there's no law that says that it has to be three." He shrugs.

“I just thought of a third one. I can snap my best friend's neck and dick off like a twig." Zayn deadpans with a devious smile on his face.

"Ouch!" He winces.

"I hope you found that touching."

"And speaking of being touched, it's nickel beer night at The Federal Bar. I'm gonna get my wallet and my shoes, you get changed, 'cause we're going." He tells Zayn with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh, Liam, what if no one there wants to talk to me? What if nobody asks me to dance? You know that people look at me like I'm a piece of plywood."

"Now, Zayn, think, if there's somebody out there who is willing to dance with a corpse or with a corpse, then there's somebody willing to dance with you." He says referring to the fact that Niall, Harry and Louis went to a funeral and a drunk Niall danced with the dead body.

"Liam-"

"Don't worry about a thing. You're gonna love it." He tells her as he is going to his room.

"I fucking hate you with a passion!" Zayn yells at him.

"Tell me something that I don't already know!" He yells back.


	2. The Federal Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's Unintentional Upstaging Begins.

"Liam, wait, wait, wait." Zayn tells him as they get to the door.

"What?" Liam tells him as he lets go of Zayn’s hand.

"Listen, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I think I'm just gonna go-"

"Well, I'm sorry to say this Zayn, but that is complete nonsense." He says.

"But-"

"I promise you're gonna have a good time."

"You're going to introduce me to some of your friends? You know, so that I don't get lonely?"

"Yes, if I see anybody I know, besides Niall. Now, let's go in." He says impatiently as they go in.

"Liam!" The entire bar greets.

"Hi, everybody!" He greets back.

"Hey, you handsome piece of meat." A brunette headed woman greets as she walks up to them. "How's life treating you?"

"It's a dog eat dog world out there and I'm wearing no underwear!"

"I'll be coming back for you." She tells him, walking away from them.

Liam growls.

"Fucking slut." Zayn calls her when they are at a safe distance.

"You're a peach." Liam tells her as they walk to a table.

"What did you want me to call her? Lovely? Human?" Zayn asks sarcastically as he dreadfully looks around the bar.

"Well, she is."

"Oh. Then I should have called her the human luge. Better yet, I should have called her a human play ground or a magic carpet." Zayn replies thoughtfully and he simply shakes his head.

"Hi, Jack. Peeps, this is my best friend Zayn. Zayn, this is Alex, Taylor, Monroe, Reed and Avery."

"Hey, Zayn." Avery greets.

"Peeps, could you please show Zayn a good time? I mean, I would do it myself, but I wanna have a good time myself." He tells them.

“Li-” Zayn starts, but Liam is gone.

He sighs and turns back to the group of people with the unisex names.

"You're- you're a little uncomfortable, aren't you?" Zayn asks Taylor. "Uh, to be- to be honest, I'm not really into the bar scene, or any scene to be honest. I-I sense you're not either. I guess the problem is to make that human connection, you know, with the-" He rambles, but they all walk away from him.

Zayn sighs heavily.

 _‘I am going to kill Liam, bury him, and then salt the earth where his casket lies.’_  Zayn thinks to himself trying to figure out a way to escape the crowded bar.

"Hi." The guy sitting next to Zayn says. He's playing a soft song on the piano.

"Hi." Zayn says back to him.

"I'm Parker."

"Zayn."

"I've never seen you here before."

"I um, I usually don't come to places like this." Zayn says waving his hand around.

"Well, I can understand." He says sympathetically. "A lot of people feel uncomfortable in a bar."

Somewhere in the back, Zayn can hear Liam laughing uncontrollably.

"Well, I guess that jerk face is the exception." Zayn says, and Parker laughs.

"I like that. You should've come here a long time ago."

"I guess." Zayn responds, humming to the song that Parker is playing on the grand piano.

"You don't happen to sing do you?" He asks Zayn.

Zayn does a double-take.

"What makes you think that I-I sing, or would even want to? I mean, you know, some people might enjoy making fools of themselves in public, but, uh,  _ **Me**_ , sing? Not in this lifetime. I don't think so. No way!"

"You sing a little don't you?"

"A little." Zayn bashfully admits.

"Great. Uh, how about some Alicia Keys? _Wait til’ They See My Smile_? _No One_?"

"I love her, but not today, thank you."

" _When I Was Your Man_ by Bruno Mars?"

"That's a better choice." Zayn tells him and Parker starts laughing.

"You ready?" He asks and Zayn nods his head. He starts playing the piano and he starts singing. As he starts singing, the whole bar turns to look at Zayn.

 

 _Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now_  
_Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same_  
_When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down_  
_'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name_  
_It all just sounds like oooooh ooh_  
_Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize_  
  
_That I should have bought you flowers_  
_And held your hand_  
_Should have gave you all my hours_  
_When I had the chance_  
_Take you to every party_  
_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_  
_Now my baby's dancing_  
_But she's dancing with another man_  
  
_My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways_  
_Caused a good, strong woman like you to walk out of my life_  
_Now I'll never, never get to clean up the mess I made (oh)_  
_And it haunts me every time I close my eyes_  
  
_It all just sounds like oooooh ooh_  
_Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize_  
  
_That I should have bought you flowers_  
_And held your hand_  
_Should have gave you all my hours_  
_When I had the chance_  
_Take you to every party_  
_'Cause all you wanted to do was dance_  
_Now my baby's dancing_  
_But she's dancing with another man_  
  
_Although it hurts_  
_I'll be the first to say that I was wrong_  
_Oh, I know I'm probably much too late_  
_To try and apologize for my mistakes_  
_But I just want you to know_  
  
_I hope he buys you flowers_  
_I hope he holds your hand_  
_Give you all his hours_  
_When he has the chance_  
_Take you to every party_  
_'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance_  
_Do all the things I should have done_  
_When I was your man_  
_Do all the things I should have done_  
_When I was your man  
_

Zayn finishes the song and the entire bar starts clapping and cheering for him.

"Wooo! That was impressive!" Alex says.

"Thank you!" Zayn beams, taking a bow as he stands by the piano.

"You've got some major pipes." Parker compliments.

"Thanks." Zayn smiles.

"Encore." Taylor shouts.

“We want more!” Monroe yells.

“I’ll get you anything you want from the bar for another song!” Reed yells, causing Zayn to blush at her.

“No, I’m getting him the drink!” Taylor argues calling Reed out.

"What song do you wanna hear?" Zayn asks them, and they start throwing out song names. In the midst of all this, Avery walks up to Liam who is absolutely floored by Zayn.

"Your friend's pretty good!”

“I know.” A mesmerized Liam says.

“Do you mind if I ask you if he's single?" Avery asks Liam.

"Zayn's taken." Liam lies.

"Aw man. All the good ones are taken? Seriously?" He asks himself as he walks away from Liam.

"Better luck next time." He shouts after Avery, boiling with jealousy.

 _'Everyone is after Zayn, even the ladies. And I'm not even wearing any underwear.'_ He thinks to himself as Niall looks at him from behind the bar, smiling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics Used: When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars


	3. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dual Plans

Zayn walks into the kitchen, he sees Liam brewing some coffee.

"Ahhh!" Zayn squeals. "Liam, I really have to thank you for taking me out to the bar last night. I really had a ton of fun." He says, hugging Liam tightly.

"Hmm? Oh yeah. Sure. No Problem." He says, getting a cup out of the cupboard once Zayn's finished smothering him.

"You still haven't said anything about my performances last night? What do you think? A little more jazz? An REO Speedwagon song or-"

"It was adorable." He says irritably.

"Really? Because it doesn't sound like you thought it was adorable."

"I-"

"Whatever. The point that I'm trying to make is that I had tons of fun last night. Without your meddling ways, I never would've gotten a date with Parker."

"What?!" He says, blood boiling. “You have a date with Parker, the pianist?!”

"Yup!" Zayn tells him happily. "I asked him out last night just before we left and he accepted."

"Tell me you're kidding!"

"Nope." Zayn squeals. "I'm going out with him in a couple of days. If all goes well with this guy, I have you to thank." He tells him. Zayn kisses him on the cheek and exits the kitchen.

He grips his cup so hard that it breaks. He automatically looks up at the sky.

"You did this to me." He says, pointing up at the sky. "I thought you were my homie, man." He pouts.

A moment later, Zayn comes back in the kitchen, sits at the table and opens his newspaper.

Louis, Niall and Harry enter the kitchen five minutes later.

"Zayn, how would you like to go to a wake next Friday?" An excited Louis asks as he sits down next to Zayn at the kitchen table.

"Lou, you know how I feel about those things. They're so sad and depressing." Zayn tells his friend. "Whose wake is it anyway?"

"Mine." Louis brightly says.

"What time?" Zayn asks, suddenly interested.

"No, he's serious." Niall says as he shakes his head at their friend's plan. "Great singing by the way. You shoiuld think about singing another song again at the bar one of these days."

"Thanks." Zayn says.

"Next Friday, Lou's gonna throw his own wake." An excited Harry says as he sits down across from Zayn. "Food, drinks, music. The only difference will be Lou'll be alive."

Louis's head resembles a bobble head as he nods his head rapidly with a crazed smile on his face.

"God willing." Niall supplies.

Louis' smile drops as he glares at Niall.

Harry chuckles.

"Wait a minute, what--what are you talking about?" Zayn asks as he chuckles.

"At Laura's wake, people got up and said wonderful things about her. But she wasn't there to hear it. I don't want that to happen to me. I want to hear how people feel about me. I want to be there to listen as they salute my--my grace, my wit, my inner beauty."

"Lou, writers cost money." Zayn deadpans.

Louis glares at Zayn too.

"Now, this whole idea is twisted. Come on, you're gonna be around for years. There's no reason for anybody to say goodbye to you."

"But, Zaynie, I want this. There's nothing you can do to stop me." Louis whines. "Nothing you can say will prevent me from having the wake of my dreams."

Zayn nods his head.

"Well, I'm not paying for it." Zayn sterny states, putting his foot down with Louis' foolishness. "Besides, your cheap ass owes me some money for the last phone bill of yours."

"I paid you back."

"With a one-way trip to www.friendbookster.com and Monopoly money, you dumb piece of shit." Zayn says. 

"Okay, a kitten. Can I have a kitten?"

"Lou, I'll be happy to pay for your wake." Harry says. "I love you."

"Well, me, too." Liam says as Niall nods his head in agreement.

"Well, fine. Fine. Do what you want. Just don't expect me to be a part of it." Zayn says as he gets up from the table with his newspaper and exits the kitchen.

"I even know a way we can save some money." Niall says. "I'll make the hors d'oeuvres."

"And I'll bring the salads." Harry volunteers.

"Some wake." Louis says. "Some Irish crap on a cracker and some dumb as rabbit food."

Both men look like they are about to kill him.

"I mean, thank you."

"You better thank us." Niall warns.


	4. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn Upstages Liam Without Even Trying

It’s Thursday night, and Liam is in the bar having a good time hanging and talking to the patrons.

"Liam, Liam, Liam!" The entire bar chants. He pulls out a cherry stem from his mouth.

"It's Bosun's knot, all right!" Avery yells out. The entire bar chants again.

"Can we get an encore?" The same brunette from the last time asks him.

"Sure thing, Cheryl." He tells her. "Now for my encore: the Star of David." He says as he puts another cherry stem in his mouth.

Suddenly, the door opens, and the entire bar patrons turn and look at the door.

The men start exclaiming, "Zayn!" as the women start passing out.

Liam accidentally swallows the cherry stem and starts coughing violently.

Niall smirks.

"Hey, it's Zayn! It's Zayn! Hey, Zayn!" Alex shouts.

"Hi, guys!" Zayn greets back.

"Hi, Zayn!" Parker greets Zayn with a huge smile on his face.

"Hey, Zayn, how are you doing?" Monroe asks him.

"I'm doing the best with what I've got. How are you doing, Monroe?"

"I couldn't be better." He says as they both proceed to sit at the bar.

How is it going, Z?” Niall asks his roommate as he settles on the stool.

“It’s going well, Niall. How’s the night going?”

“Pretty damn good.” Niall says handing someone a drink.

"Zayn, what are you doing here?" Liam asks him. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Well, which one do you want me to answer first?"

"Zayn." Liam starts.

"Alright, alright." Zayn says before he hisses at Liam. "I chopped it and dyed it to this fierce magenta color today. Don't you just….love it?"

"Uh, it's uh- it’s…." Liam starts. _'I freaking love it. Red is now my favorite color.'_ He thinks to himself.

"And as for what I'm doing here, well, I felt like getting out tonight after I did out laundry. I had no place in mind, so I started to wander around and I ended up here."

"Thank God you decided to swing by here tonight because it was totally dead in here. Can I buy you a drink, Zayn?" Reed asks.

"No, I wanna buy Zayn a drink, Reed." Alex tells him.

"Fuck you both, because I'm buying him a drink." Avery says.

"No you aren't because I-" Monroe starts, but Zayn cuts him off.

"Now, come on ladies and gentlemen! I am man enough for all of you." Zayn tells them all.

They all start to murmur in agreement.

"I like him! Is he dating anybody?" A blonde woman asks Liam.

"Zaynie's taken." Liam automatically says.

"So are you planning on singing to us again, Zayn?" Alex asks.

Zayn starts to act coyly.

"Yeah, are you?" Some of the patrons ask.

"No, I don't think I will sing for you guys tonight." Zayn responds.

"Come on, please?" Monroe asks.

"Oh, I'm not prepared." He tells Monroe.

"Pretty please?" Reed asks.

"I wouldn't know what to do." Zayn says humbly.

"Come on, you gotta sing for us again." Parker says.

"Oh, come on." Cheryl says.

"Zayn! Zayn! Zayn! Zayn!" The bar chants.

"Now come on guys, Zayn said that he isn't prepared, so-" Liam starts but Zayn cuts him off.

"Oh! Would you look what- I found in my bag!” Zayn says as he zips his bag. “Sheet music!"

"Yeah!" The bar erupts with loud cheering.

"Well come on down, Zayn!" Parker tells Zayn, and he moves towards the piano. Everyone, sans Liam, follows Zayn as he sits down on the bar.

"But, we were gonna do a conga line and tell dirty jokes." Liam says, but some people tell him to shut up.

"Later, Liam." Alex says.

"Yeah. We're gonna listen to Zayn sing." Avery and Monroe tell him.

"Yup, and it's one of my favorites." Zayn says.

"Awesome." Parker says before playing the keys.

 _In old Savannah, I said Savannah,_  
_The weather there is nice and warm!_  
_The climates of a Southern brand,_  
_But here's what I don't understand,_  
_They got a gal there, a pretty gal there,_  
_Who's colder than an Arctic storm,_  
_Got a heart just like a stone,_  
_Even ice men leave her alone!_

 _They call her Hard Hearted Hannah,_  
_The vamp of Savannah,_  
_The meanest gal in town,_  
_Leather is tough, but Hannah's heart is tougher,_  
_She's a gal who loves to see men suffer!_  
_To tease 'em, and thrill 'em, to torture and kill 'em,_  
_Is her delight, they say,_  
_I saw her at the seashore with a great big pan,_  
_There was Hannah pouring water on a drowning man!_  
_She's Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah, GA !_

 _They call her Hard Hearted Hannah,_  
_The vamp of Savannah,_  
_The meanest gal in town,_  
_Talk of your cold, refrigeratin' mamas,_  
_Brother, she's a polar bear's pajamas!_  
_To tease 'em, and thrill 'em, to torture and kill 'em,_  
_Is her delight, they say,_  
_An evening spent with Hannah sittin' on your knees,_  
_Is like travelin' through Alaska in your B-V-D's._  
_She's Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah, GA !_

 _Can you imagine a woman as cold as Hannah_  
_She's got the right name, The vamp of Savannah_  
_Any time a woman can take a great big pan_  
_And start pouring water on a drownin' man_  
_She's hard hearted Hannah_  
_The Vamp of Savannah GA!_

The entire bar cheers louder than ever as Zayn humbly takes his bow.

"That was incredible!" Parker tells him, and he kisses Zayn on the cheek. Liam, who witnessed the kiss, is now fuming with anger.

"Liam, what's wrong?" Niall asks him.

"Oh, nothing's wrong at all, Niall. Just one little thing. I feel like I've just died and gone to hell." He says, turning away from the scene to look at Niall.

"Because _your man_ is interested in someone?"

"Zayn's not my man, Ni."

"Sure, Li. And right now we are at Hogwarts right next to Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." Niall replies sarcastically as he wipes down the counter.

"You're a hoot." Liam deadpans.

"Honestly Liam, how do you feel about Zayn?"

Liam flushes.

"I uh… That's-"

"I see the way you look at him." Niall tells him, with a smirk look on his face. “In fact, Harry, Lou and I all see the way you look at him when we all have a free day at home to just chill.”

"It's…"

"What are you gonna do now, Payne? And you better not say that you’re going to the restroom to be the master of your domain." Niall warns. “The last time you said that before you met Zayn, I walked in on you and you said that you were checking for ticks.”

"Well, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but this is my own fucking fault. I wanted Zayn to go out more often and now he's the fucking center of attention."

"Hey, you gave Zayn the gift of life, so man up. Granted it's a bar, but it's still something. There's nothing wrong with that at all." Niall reassures him.

"This must be what they call the joy of giving. If I were a woman, I would say that this feels a lot like cramps." Liam says, completely bitter.

"Well, you might as well give birth because everybody is literally carrying Zayn over here for a drink."

"Excuse me. I have to go…..vomit now." Liam tells him, going to the restroom.

"O….kay." Niall says slowly.

"I have to stop them from feeling the love." Liam mutters to himself. "They are _**not**_ reproducing tonight or any other night." He says to himself, in a determined manner.

 _'Liam is such an idiot.'_ Niall thinks to himself with a smirk on his face as he wonders how Parker and Zayn will reproduce.


	5. Quality Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding, Dates, And More Bonding.

"Remember when I told you that I asked Parker out?" Zayn asks Liam as they are sitting on the couch as he is currently resting his head on Liam’s shoulder.

"Yes, I remember." Liam replies in a slow manner.

"Well, we're finally going out tonight."

"That's great." He replies with a fake smile.

"It is beyond great. He's really awesome and I'm really excited to go out tonight and-" Zayn gushes.

"Take it easy, Zayn. This isn't Disneyland." Liam teases.

"Sorry." He blushes.

"Just have fun and be yourself."

"Thanks, Liam." He says, giving him a hug.

"Anytime."

"So, what are you gonna do tonight? Are you going to dick around on the couch playing X-Box or binge watch _Harry Potter_?" Zayn jokes.

"Probably play X-Box." Liam responds.  _'Kill Parker or come up with a plan for us to date each other.'_ He thinks to himself.

 "Li, I mean this with love. You're such a loser." Zayn says and they both laugh.

"I wonder what time I should get ready." She says sitting up on the couch.

"Um…maybe an hour before he gets here."

"Hmm, who knows." Zayn says taking Liam’s phone from his pocket.

"Hey, remember when I got that phone?"

"Yup. You were running around with a Blackberry for years and you had a breakdown when it wouldn't turn on that day. I've never ever seen a man go crazy over a phone before." Zayn snickers.

"I had a hot date that night." He says. "Anyway, you had to drag me to get a new phone after work. Good times." Liam responds fondly.

"Well, I better go make dinner." Zayn says as she stands up.

"Make dinner? Why are going to make dinner? Aren't you going to dinner with Parker?" A confused Liam asks.

"I'm making dinner for you, you macadamia. What are you in the mood for?"

"Mmm, homemade pizza?"

"Well, let's go to the store." Zayn says, dragging him from the couch.

"Damn, I forgot that you are a strong, small man." Liam says.

"And don't you forget it."

♦

"So, how was the date?" Liam asks Zayn as he entered through the door.

"It was wonderful." Zayn lies.

"Really? From the way you look, it seems like you were helping him push his car." Liam teases.

"Correction: the earth moved in _his_ car, ok? And it was spectacular." Zayn tells him.

"So you really like Parker don't you?" He asks Zayn, hoping he doesn't sound jealous.

"He is pretty damn cool. But I have to say, I am hungry."

"Well, you did work up an appetite."

"Shut up, Liam."

"Come on. There's still some pizza left."

"Wait a minute. You didn't eat all of the pizza?"

"Did you forget that I was eating that big bag of trail mix?"

"Trail mix that you didn't share and half the bag of potato chips you stole from me." Zayn reminds him.

"It's not my fault you had to buy the barbeque flavored Lays. Besides, you stole my gummy bears."

"Payback is a bitch, you gym freak." Zayn smiles. "Now, let's just get the pizza." Zayn says.

"Your wish is my command."

♦ 

"Man, this pizza sure is good."

"It should be good. After all, you were the one that made it."

"True." Zayn says, snapping his fingers and pointing at Liam.

"So, what do you want to watch now?"

"Hmm, how about  _The Boondocks_?" Zayn recommends.

"You really wanna watch what?"

" _The Boondocks_. It's your fault for getting me into the series. “Unless you want to watch  _The Golden Girls_?"

"Damn you for giving me a hard choice." He says with a smile on his face. "Let's watch  _The Boondocks_  first."

"And I'll go shower up, get ready and get the blanket."

"Great."

♦

Zayn decided to turn in at about 1:46 in the morning, and when he got to his bed, he pulled out his little red journal that he always called a diary.

"Dear Dairy,

I lied to Liam about my date with Parker. It was freaking  _ **HORRIBLE!**_ For starters, he didn't open the door for me and said that I've looked better in darker colors. Rude! Then when we got to the restaurant, he closed the door just as I was going to enter the establishment. And the dinner? God, that man wouldn't shut up. Every time I tried to say something, he would just cut me off and talk, talk, talk. He just wouldn't shut up. To top it off, he ate all of his food, ate all of my food and proceeded to tell the waiters that I was going to pay for the bill. I mean, what the hell goes on in that mans head?! The worst part of the evening? His car broke down and he had the nerve to make me push the car, and then ask me out for another date. My response to Parker was,  _'I'll swipe left to that idea.'_

On the bright side, I did get to spend more time with Liam. Spending time with Liam is never dull. Even though he teases me for watching _The Golden Girls_ , it makes me laugh because he's more obsessed with the show than I am, and that’s because Dorothy is my favorite girl. I mean, he has the entire show on DVD! I'm so thankful that he is my friend. I don't know what I would do without him, but I'm just happy that he's in my life.

\- Zayn.

PS: Is it wrong that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to date him?

PPS: Louis is driving me **_CRAZY_** with all these damn plans for his wake.


	6. The Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis' Big day!

It’s the day that Louis has been excited for, his wake.

Everyone in the house -who is all dressed in black - is talking quietly, reminiscing on the good times they had with the man. As they are sitting around the house, Harry and Niall are walking around making sure that everyone is doing well. As Niall is about to go into the kitchen, he notices a young woman with a plate of food, totally untouched.

“Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you took several of my tasty, delicious, pig in a blanket and you've hardly touched them.” He tells her.

“Uh, I just don't care for them.” She tells him with a smile on her face.

“Yeah, well, that's an ugly hat.”  He tells her, referring to her hideous crow-like hat.

Her mouth drops in shock as Niall walks away from her.

“Harry, nobody's having a good time.” Niall tells his friend as he comes back from the kitchen with a platter of cheese, ham and crackers. “It's supposed to be a party.”

“I know.” Harry says, completely miffed himself. “Well, maybe when Louis makes her entrance, it'll perk things up.”

A young woman comes through the open house door, sniffling loudly.

Niall turns and he rushes d to the woman’s side.

“Oh, everybody, here's Eleanor!” Niall announces as he helps her to the center of the living room.

“Hey.” Everyone greets her.

“Oh, Eleanor, thank goodness you got here.” Niall tells the woman as he hands her a tissue. “You're just the person we need to liven up this party. Can you please do some of those impressions you're so good at?

“Damn, damn, DAMN!” Eleanor exclaims.

Harry starts laughing as he stands next to Niall and the sobbing woman.

“Esther Rolle from _Good Times_ , right?” Harry asks as Niall nods his head.

“That's just wonderful. Do another one!” Harry says excitedly.

“The last time I saw Louis, he was fine.” Eleanor says as she finally catches her breath. “I didn't even know he was sick. What happened?”

“Wait, don't tell me.” Niall says. “Uh, Claus von Bulow?”

Harry nods his head.

“I'm talking about Louis.” A confused Eleanor says as she looks at the two crazy men who are laughing like crazy. “How did he die?”

Both men immediately stop laughing.

“What do you mean, how did he- Excuse me.” Niall says as he pulls Harry with him by the hallway leading into the bedrooms. “Harry, listen, I want you to think now, very carefully. When you sent out those invitations after I told you to double check them, you did remember to tell everyone Louis's really alive, didn't you?”

Harry’s mouth drops.

“Niall, I'm offended! How dumb do you think I am? Of course I double checked them after you made the invitations. I put it-” Harry pauses trying to remember where he put the words _“Louis isn’t really dead”_ on those invitations that Niall made.

Nothing.

“I made the freaking hors d'oeuvres. Leave me alone.” Harry says.

Niall huffs impatiently.

“You idiot. Everybody thinks he's dead now!”

Harry’s eyes widen.

He should have left things the way they were on the invitation that Niall made instead of trying to make it look fancy.

“Well, we're gonna have to tell 'em the truth before Louis comes-”

“Hey, everyone!” Louis yells out as he enters the house.

Too late.

The mourners pass start screaming, and an older lady passes out.

“Thanks for coming to my wake. What do you think of the suit?”

The women start exclaiming like crazy, and this time, a man passes out.

“Well damn bitches, excuse me for buying off the rack!” Louis says with an attitude.

“Louis, is it really you? You're supposed to be dead.” Eleanor says in shock.

“Hold that thought.” Louis says as he makes his way over to his two best friends. “You fucking idiots! Did you forgot to tell these people I was alive, didn't you?”

“And I made the freaking punch!” Harry says defending himself.

“I made the fucking decorations.” Niall says irritably.

“What is this? Some kind of sick joke?” A mourner asks, completely irritated as Eleanor sits down on the nearest seat near the door.

Everybody starts chattering.

“All right, everybody, now just stop!” Harry says trying to calm everyone down.

“Okay, so there's been a little misunderstanding.” Niall says. “But the point is, you're all here.”

“And you were invited to--to celebrate Louis's life and--and the wonderful times you've shared. And--And the good news is that Louis's still here with us.”

“So, now you have the chance to tell Louis how you really feel about him.” Harry says as Niall nods his head.

“I'll go first.” Eleanor says happily. “Louis, I drove 30 miles and missed a day of work just to be here. I think it's very selfish of you not to be dead!” She says as she leaves the house in a huff.

“And I missed. Well, actually, I didn't have anything planned for today, but I'm still p.o.'d!” Another mourner says and everyone leaves the house.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, Louis.” Harry tells him.

“But, you know, the important thing is they all came. And-And, when they thought you were dead, they were real sad. Now that counts for somethin'.” Niall says.

“I guess you're right.” Louis says, admitting defeat. “But I still wish my wake hadn't been such a disaster.”

“Well, look on the bright side. You'll have another one.” Harry says.

Louis glares at Harry as Niall tries not to laugh at his best friend’s expression.


	7. I Wanna Be Loved By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Disastrous Performance!

Later that night, Zayn and the others –sans Niall- go to the bar. When the door opens, a loud commotion comes his way.

"Zayn!" Everyone at the bar greets.

"Hi, everybody!" He shouts with a bright smile on his face, waving at everybody.

"Hey, Zayn." Taylor greets, giving up his seat for Zayn.

"Hey, Zaynie, what's your pleasure?" Niall asks his best friend.

"My pleasure? Ryan Phillipe on a waterbed." Zayn casually responds and the entire bar erupts with laughter.

"Until then, two mojitos will have to do." Zayn smiles.

"Two mojitos for the hottest man alive, coming up." Alex says to Niall as she puts down a twenty dollar bill on the bar.

"What about me?" Liam asks them as he leans on the open door.

"Liam!" Somebody shouts.

"That's more like it."

"Shut the door!" Cheryl yells at him.

Liam slams the door in anger.

“See? What did I tell you?” He asks Louis and Harry as everyone is fawning over Zayn. “That’s why I wanted you to come down here, so you can see this for yourself.”

They see all the women and men drooling over Zayn as he is making a conversation with Niall, Monroe, Reed and Avery.

“Look at that!” Liam says angrily as he and the other two sit at one of the vacant tables. “They’re swarming all over him as if he were somebody. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am Liam Payne, I'm hardworking, women find me so damn desirable, and I'm good looking. Oh, my life is ruined!"

“Boy, when the mask falls off, it really makes a thud.” Harry whispers to Louis, who’s shaking his head in agreement.

"Come on, Zayn, sing something for us." Cheryl says.

"Oh, yeah." Alex says.

"Come on, sing something for us." Taylor says as Liam groans loudly.

Zayn simply lifts his hands and wiggles his fingers, acting coyly.

"Something wrong, Louis?" Harry asks.

 "I don't believe it." Louis says as he wipes his tears. "Our little Zaynie is popular. After 10 years of bargaining with God, it's finally happened."

Liam simply looks at his friend in disdain.

"Per our agreement, I'm off to Calcutta to work with the poor" Louis says as he gets up fromm his seat and leaves the bar.

"O...kay." Harry says.

"Well, I for one have had it with Mister Zayn Malik." Liam says. "I'm gonna get this bar's attention if it's the last thing I do."

"Why don't you do what you did last time?" Avery says.

"Oooh! I agree! That would be good." An excited Reed says. "That-"

"Hey, fellows, what's goin' on?" Liam says as he got the bar where Zayn and the other patrons were sitting at.

"Oh, yeah, hi, Liam." Taylor says.

"Sit down." Monroe says.

"Zayn's about to sing for us." Avery supplies.

"Yeah." Alex says and Zayn simply nods his head in agreement.

"Hey, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I would like to sing?" Liam asks the bar patrons.

"You, sing?" Alex starts. "Liam, the only thing that we've ever seen from you is-"

"Hey, hey, hey! There's a hot man in our presence!" Taylor says as he cuts of Alex.

“Thank you!” Zayn says.

"What about me?" Cheryl asks.

"You? You are just an old ass magic carpet." Alex tells her.

"Parker, I want to sing  _I Wanna Be Loved by You_  right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, I am very sure.” Liam says as he makes his way over to the piano. He sits on the top and grabs the microphone. "This one goes out to all of my friends down at The Federal Bar. Hit it Parker."

 _I want to be loved by you, just you,_  
_And nobody else but you,_  
_I want to be loved by you, alone!_  
_Boop-boop-a-doop!_

Liam kicks his leg up in the air, and his left shoe flies off his foot.

 _I want to kissed by you, just you,_  
_Nobody else but you,_  
 _I want to be kissed by you, alone!_

This time, Liam slides off the piano and he lands on the piano player, hitting most of the keys. The piano player has to help Liam sit up in an upright position before he continues to play the song.

 _Boop-boop, I couldn't aspire,_  
_To anything higher,_  
_Than, filled with desire,_  
_To make you my own!_  
_Boop-boop-a-doop, boop-boop-a-doop!_

Zayn, who’s sitting at the bar, is simply watching this performance, shaking his head and trying to hide from the world. At this moment, Liam gets off of the piano and sits next to Parker, swaying from left to right as he is singing the song.

 _I want to be loved by you, just you,_  
_And nobody else but you,_  
_I want to be loved by you, alone!_  
_Aa-ah-um! Boop-boop-a-doop!_

Liam hops off the seat and onto an empty seat at a table.

"Hello, sexy. What's your name?" Liam asks the lady as he hugs her as Zayn now forces himself to watch this performance.

"Her name is Arizona and she just had a boob job." Parker tells him.

"Oops. Sorry." Liam says.

Arizona moans in agony.

"Jesus, help this man." Zayn says as he turns away from Liam's disastrous performance.

"Well, hello sexy man. Is that gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" He asks the patron.

The pulls out a gun.

“Oh!” Liam says as he steps away from the man.

 _'Oh, dear.'_  Niall thinks to himself as Liam resumes singing.

 _I want to be loved by you, just you,_  
_And nobody else but you,_  
_I want to be loved by you…._

While Liam twirls the microphone several times, which spins out of control, Niall is laughing his head off while Zayn is trying not to laugh out loud at the people ducking for safety, including Harry. Zayn turns his attention back at Liam as he hands the microphone at Harry and flees out of the bar.

"Liam!" Zayn calls out.

No response as Liam is out the bar.

"I think I'll go check up on him." Zayn tells him.

"That's a great idea.”

“I'll be back."

"Take your time." Niall tells him.

 Harry walks towards the piano and places it on top.

He stops and stares at it as the bar is still filled with chattering.

He picks it up.

“Oh, no!” Niall says to himself.

“Two Jews, an Arab, and a priest walk into a bar…”

Niall simply moaned.


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiss You, Kiss You, Kiss You!

Zayn finally catches up to Liam in the restroom.

“Fuck off, Zayn.” An upset Liam tells Zayn the moment he appears.

Zayn is taken aback by the attitude.

“I don't understand what you're so upset about.” He says to Liam.

Liam decides not to answer him, and an annoyed Zayn rolls his eyes at him, scoffing at him.

"What the hell was that?!" A furious Liam asks Zayn.

"How the hell should I know?" Zayn asks him. "And why the fuck does this even important to you?"

"Forget that. Why are you even here at this goddamn bar with me?" He asks Zayn angrily.

"Because your dumb ass begged me to come here! I don't understand what you're so upset about, but I am sorry for whatever I did to you." Zayn says putting his hand on Liam’s shoulder, but he pushes it away.

"Don't touch me!" Liam snaps at him. "The Federal Bar is my place, damn it. Not yours."

"Why are you acting like this? Because to me, it seems that your dumb ass really forgot that you were the one who begged me to come down here when I didn't want to leave the comfort of my own pajamas. You were the one who told me to get a life, you big jerk!" Zayn snaps back.

"Well, I didn't mean mine, goddamn it! I didn't know you were gonna come in here and just take my place away from me. I would never do that to you."

"Liam-"

"Do you see me going down to sing at the library or the going to the art shop on Sundays? Well, do you?"

Suddenly, Zayn understands.

"Liam, I'm-I'm sorry. I had no idea."

It’s quiet.

"All right, the truth is, I'm jealous of you." He admits to Zayn. "Oh, God, that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

"Liam, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Zayn, the one thing in my life I've always been assured of is being the center of attention whenever it came down to the two of us. Oh, I knew I never had to worry about competing with any other man or woman 'cause I'd always win. But when I saw you sing the other night, I realized why all those women and men were practically falling all over themselves to get to you, and that made my blood boil. Because, Zayn, when you sing, you light up the room. You do. You positively glow. You're just-you're so fucking beautiful. And I can't pretend that your beauty doesn't mean a thing to me, because you are amazingly beautiful."

"Oh, Liam, you don't have to say that." Zayn blushes.

"Well, believe me, I don't like saying that to anybody. But it's true. You can attract people in a way I can't and I'm jealous of you."

"Liam James Payne, that is the nicest thing that you have ever said to me!" Zayn beams.

"It is?"

"Absolutely."

"Hmm, not that you mention it, you're probably right. Most of the time when I compliment you, I'm rarely ever sincere. But I really meant that last one, I swear." Liam reassures him.

"Look, Liam, The Federal Bar is not worth risking our friendship over. If you want me to stop coming here, just say so and I'll stop coming here."

"I want you to stop coming here, Zayn."

"Ha! Like hell I will."

"Then what are we gonna do? I don't want to stop coming here because I really love this place."

"So do I."

"Why don't we share?"

"That's a great idea."

"Let's just be sure that we both don't show up on the same night."

"You mean, like I would come three nights a week, and you come three?"

"Right." Zayn confirms. "Oh, wait a minute. What about Sunday?"

"Oh, you don't wanna come on a Sunday, Zayn. We men will be watching football all day long. We're drunk and rowdy and-"

"Yeah, you want Sundays, don't you?" Zayn asks him seeing right through that pathetic excuse.

"Please?" He asks Zayn.

Zayn simply shakes his head.

"It's a deal." Zayn says, hugging him. He nearly feels complete.

"Oh, Zayn." He says, running his hand down Zayn’s back. "Zayn, are you ever jealous of me?"

Says hums for a moment.

"I'll just lie and say that I am jealous of you every single day of my life."

"You're funny." He chuckles.

"Hey, why don't we go out there and do a duet? Are you up for that?" Zayn suggests.

"Sure. Do you know _Cry Me a River_?"

"Uh, no, I don't know that one."

"Good. We'll do that one." Liam says happily.

"Oh boy." Zayn says, rolling his eyes.

"Before we go back inside, can I give you something?"

"Sure. What is it that you want to give-?" Zayn asks him and he is completely taken off guard. Liam kisses him.

"Hey, Zayn, the gang is-" Niall starts, but he sees that they are busy. "Never mind." He says going back into the bar. A few seconds later, Liam breaks the kiss and Zayn is in a daze.

"So what does this mean?" Zayn asks him.

Liam smiles at him before taking Zayn into a stall.


	9. Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hard Hearted Hannah (Reprise)

"Alright guys, I'm going to sing a song for you." Zayn informs them as he re-enters the bar with Liam about half an hour later, barely put together. "Well, two songs."

"Yeah!" The bar erupts with glee.

"Parker, play  _Hard Hearted Hannah_  for me please?"

"Sure." He says irritably.

"Take it from the middle of the second verse." Zayn says and he starts playing.

 _Now leather is tough, but my heart can be tougher,_  
_She's the gal who loves to make men suffer!_  
_To tease 'em, and thrill 'em, to torture and kill 'em,_  
_That's her delight, they say,_  
_I saw her at the seashore with a great big pan,_  
_And there was Hannah, pouring water on a drowning man!_  
_She's Hard Hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah, GA!_

The bar erupts with loud cheers and applause.

"What's the next song you want to sing?" Avery asks.

"Parker, can you play  _We Belong Together_?" Zayn asks Parker as he looks into Liam's eyes.

Liam smiles.


End file.
